I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize