your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
