If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize