i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
