I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
