Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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