how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Someone came in the potted fern
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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