dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
