Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
