Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
