Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Send help, water and tortillas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
