I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
