Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
