I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
