goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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