Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
