i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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