At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
