I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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