i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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