SEEEEXXX PLEASE
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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