I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
