Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
