I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
