idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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