i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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