he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
