youre lurking in front of me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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