She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
