I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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