I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
