I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dignity is for republicans.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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