How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize