just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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