I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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