Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
