My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
