i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drake has all the answers
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
