Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
