Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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