At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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