do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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