would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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