Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
