textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize