I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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