I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
