i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
