im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize