I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
