How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
