Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
