he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
