Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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