A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize