so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
