sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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