I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
