She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
