I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
