She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
