This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
