If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
