He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
