hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
