I skipped work to stalk him.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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