i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
