Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've blown a few things in my day
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
