I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
