How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
COCAINE IS GR8
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
