WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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