So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
