a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
