So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize