It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
