I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
