I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
