I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
