She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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