just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
