Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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