Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
